Fixing Grey
by kimpossiblity
Summary: "I need to know, Ana. If I want to fight for you, I need to know if you still love me."
1. Troubled Grey Life

**I do not own the 50 shades trilogy.**

**This story is not related to my other story, Fifty Shades of Family.**

**Chapter I**

*ANA POV*

"He's here! Mommy! He's here!" My five year old son exclaims exasperatedly. Judging by how tired he seems, I'm sure he ran from the living room up a 30 flight stairway to the bedroom.

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll be right down," I reply calmly. Truth be told, I am fending off an anxiety attack on the inside. It's  
usually like this every Friday night until Sunday, when his father comes to visit.

Christian and I have been separated for over a year now, but I've only warmed up to the idea of seeing him for half of that. We both mutually agreed to have him over for Friday nights until Sunday. It was better than his suggestion of, living here but evading each other. We want to be able to make sure our kids don't grow up to be troubled, or worse, hate us.

"You always say that! But you end up locking yourself in here!" Teddy pulls my arms and tries his hardest to drag me up.

"Okay! Fine!" I roll my eyes at him. I wonder what happened to my DNA during the conception of Teddy? No doubt they were too in love with Christian's that they gave way for an All-Christian fetus, which they reciprocated later by giving me Phoebe.

"We're you rolling your eyes at me? Daddy said it isn't very nice," he admonishes. Wow that's new, Christian making up gaps between what is nice and what isn't. I hope he has a list.

"I'm sorry, Teddy," I say ruefully as I ruffle his copper hair. I'm going to dye this one brunette in his sleep.

"Yeah, yeah. You always say that!" He runs his hands through his hair, a habit he picked up from his senior doppelganger.

True. I always tell Ted how sorry I am for what happened between his father and I. He would always cry and beg his father to live with us. They have always been very close, and he even calls his dad his bestfriend. No matter how sad it makes me, I just cannot find it my heart to be Mrs. Christian Grey again. The only way standing in the divorce is the knowledge that Christian would never approve and the children's well-being. So as per advised by the more experienced members of the family, and our shrink, a legal separation will do for now.

"Now will you please stand up and go the living room, Anastasia Grey?" Ted says in his Daddy-impersonation voice.

"I will Mr. Grey, lead the way."

* * *

We walk out of the room to the hallway hand and hand. He stops and looks up to me.

"Can you carry me, mommy?" He raises his arms up to me wanting to be carried like what his father usually does to him.

"I can't Ted. You're quite heavy," I reply, bending down so we're almost eye to eye.

He sighs heavily as his eyebrows furrow. He looks every bit of Christian day by day. "See? That's the benefit of having Daddy around!" He walks away, showing a little bit of swag. "I told you!" He yells again.

I hope it's that easy, Ted. Darn, maybe I should've asked Christian to install an elevator for our kids may think walking is a chore.

I take my time just standing in the hallway. I have to psych myself in order to be able to get through this day normally. A few minutes later, I am on the move.

* * *

I stand at the first flight of the stair, looking towards the living room directly below.

There he is... Christian. My lovable, kind, generous... shit, I should stop this. I replace the thoughts with the things I usually allow myself to think. Honest, unbiased and fair thoughts: My overbearing, overacting, overprotective spouse is over there.

He is sitting on the couch, with Phoebe sitting his lap and Teddy blabbering beside him. Her head is on chest, and his arms and enveloping both of them.

"..And then we'll go fishing! And skiing! And hiking!" Teddy blabs.

Christian seems to be interested though as he has his full attention on his son.

Phoebe looks up and points her finger in my direction. "Mama!" She yells enthusiastically.

Christian glances up at me. I can feel a surge of electricity when his gray eyes meet mine, and I am certain that he feels it too. The world stops and everything seems to disappear, somehow it feels like it's only him and I, in our own little bubble.

"Mama!" My mini-me yells, disrupting my thoughts.

I can see Christian now frowning, and looking at me with such coldness.

Somehow I still feel that he blames me for our falling out. Until he can work it for himself, I don't think we can ever pass through this cordially.

I slowly descend downstairs, knowing that my megalomaniac of a husband is staring at me like a hawk. As I reach the living room, I take a seat at the opposite empty couch, and I do so casually and full of dignity, as if it was such a normal thing to do.

"Mommy, the couch is big enough for us," Teddy says. He points to the empty space beside where he sits.

"Ted, don't force your mom," Christian says, knowing all too well what Teddy wants to happen. "She'll sit with us if she wants to."

Forcing your Mommy is only your Dad's job, Ted.

"Fine, sorry mommy," Ted apologizes in an insincere tone. He slumps his head down and shows his now famous-puppy dog pout. "Will you sit beside us, mommy, please?"

If I want to maintain being cordial with my estranged husband, I know I have to make it look like I 'am.

I sigh heavily, knowing what I must do. I get up from my seat, and take my place beside Teddy. Christian tenses. But I make sure there is a considerable distance between us.

"It's alright, baby boy." I give him a hug and he hugs me back. "Mommy's beside you now. Happy?"

He smiles & nods. "So, mom, I was just telling Dad if we could go to Aspen tomorrow!" He says with a wide grin plastered on his face. As mercurial as his father indeed.

"Oh?" How am I to shoot this idea down? "And what did he say?" I try to mask the apprehension in my voice.

"He told me..."

"I said you'd have to ask your mother first," Christian continued.

"Oh..." is all that I can say. I really don't want to go but I don't want to break their hearts either.

My daughter's eyes widen and claps her hands excitedly "Daddy, I wanna! I wanna!" Phoebe jumps up and down on her father's lap, giggling happily.

"Me too! Me too!" Ted joins in, jumping on the couch.

God, I have to get out of this. I really don't want to us to go to Aspen. I have to find a way!

Christian is now smiling, pleased with himself. I'm sure this really fits well into his plans.

Phoebe has her arms clutched around her father's neck, with one of his arms around her waist, and the other, grabbing Teddy's shirt, making sure he doesn't fall from his happy dance.

I still am pretending to be in a deep state of indecision, making my kids believe that I'm really considering to be in the same place outside of my home with their father.

"What about you both go with Daddy, and I stay here?" I ask. Brilliant.

I can see Christian's frown, a glint of sadness in visible in his eyes, just like the past year. Teddy stops jumping on the couch and now takes a seat, crosses his arms and gives his own version of a killer stare.

"No! Mommy come with us!" Pheobe exclaims. She looks like she's about to cry, and looks at me with pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry kids. I have work to do. You can go with Daddy."

Christian raises an eyebrow. He doesn't buy it of'course. After all, work was one of the initial reasons of our falling out.

"But it won't be family!" Teddy whines. He looks up to Christian and puts his arms around his father's waist. "Other kids in school go to trips with their mommy and daddy."

I am filled with guilt as those words come out of my son's mouth. I know they're affected by it, but I hope that one day they'll accept that we're not like other mommies and daddies.

"I know, baby, I'm sorry." I caress my son's arm, hoping to give him a little comfort.

"Then we won't go if you won't," Teddy says, not even looking at me.

"No, don't do that to yourselves. You can go," I say, trying to pacify the situation.

"No, it won't be family!" Teddy exclaims. His face is buried on his father's side. "I want family with a mommy, and a daddy and a Phoebe."

Christian and I look at each other, knowing full well that our kids don't understand what we're going through.

"Kids, why don't you go to the kitchen and see what Mrs. Taylor is making," Christian suggests. I know I'm in for a discussion, something we haven't done for a long time.

"I want to be with you, Daddy," Teddy says, the sadness is palpable in his voice. "You're not here when we have school!"

"Me too, Daddy," Phoebe adds. "Wanna Stay."

A part of me wants to cry. It was never my intention for the kids to feel this way. If I had known earlier... I immediately stop the thought. They'll get over it, one day.

"Please kids," Christian pleads. "Mommy and I are just going to talk."

Teddy and Phoebe look at each other, and simultaneously nod.

They disentangle themselves from their father's hold. Teddy helps Phoebe down the couch, and takes her hand as they proceed to the kitchen.

As soon as their steps cannot be heard, the room is filled with silence.

Christian and I scoot to the opposite sides of the couch, but the electricity is still there.

"You know Ana, if you're repulsed by me, you shouldn't take it out on the kids."

I look down, not knowing what to say. I don't think repulsed is the right word. Awkward is more like it.

"If you don't want me here..."

"No, the kids want you here. They haven't seen you since last Sunday," I say in a low voice, still with my head bowing down. After all, the only reason he is here is because of the kids. If I am to frank, I would want him on the opposite side of town.

He snorts. "Of'course, the kids." He heaves a sigh. He moves closer toward me inch by inch, and he gazes at my face intently. "How about you, Ana? Do you want me here?" He scoots closer and closer to me. I close my arms and look away, conveying my disinterest.

"I don't know," I say honestly.

"It's a yes or no question, Anastasia," he says demandingly.

I look up at him and see his sad gray eyes. His hand starts to outline my jaw, and the feeling leaves me reeling. I conjure up some courage for myself and swat his hand away. He tenses, and his eyes close, knowing what I am trying to say through my actions.

It takes quite a while for me to answer. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

He straightens his position and runs his fingers through his hair. "Okay," he whispers,

He then stands up and turns away.

"Are you leaving?" I ask, turning to his direction.

"It's not like I'm welcomed here anyway," he replies, not looking back.

"Christian, the kids!" I remind him. I know he doesn't want to break their hearts.

He stops his tracks and shrugs. "I'll ask Taylor to take them to Escala tomorrow."

Up until six months ago, all his meetings with the kids happened at his swanky estate.

I stand up, wanting to stop him for leaving... for the children's sake of course.

"But they want you here for dinner. It's the only thing they look forward to every weekend."

The kids are always counting the days when they can see their father again, making all weekends a momentous occasion for them.

He turns his head to the side, but remains still from where he stands.

"You should've thought of them before you did all this then," he says bluntly.

Did I just hear it right? I am quite taken aback by his statement. How dare he say that I didn't even consider the welfare of my own kids! Is he insinuating that I am a selfish mother who only thinks about herself? Need I remind him of our relationship began and the amount of compromise I had to give on my part?

"And you're blaming me?" I am very hurt by his accusation.

He turns around and gives a cold look. "Yes."

His piercing gray eyes meet mine, and I can feel his sorrow even from a few meters away. However, I will not be sidetracked by his feigning of grief. His words are very offensive.

"That's very self righteous of you Christian. I dare say you better look at yourself first."

He snorts. "I have Ana, plus I do regular visits to Dr. Flynn. Self introspection works for me now."

"And you've come up with the conclusion that I did not think of my children?" I shout, my voice showing my anger.

"They're mine too," he replies coolly. "And ,yes."

"Yes what?"

"You didn't think of your own children when you went against my back."

I am stunned by his premise! I did not go against his back! It was obvious that our marriage was doomed and going down the drain! And it's all because of him! How come he doesn't see it?

"Oh don't you tell me you didn't see it coming?" I yell again. My hands are on my sides, clenching in anger.

"Honestly, no," he says in a casual manner.

"The signs were there, you obtuse asshole!" 1-2 punch. I hope to knock him out by the end of this argument. "If you weren't  
too busy putting up a mountain of lies, you would've seen it."

"I'm sorry Ana, but having sex before going to a lawyer didn't give it away."

My face is now swelling with anger. A part of me wants to slap him and punch him. I cannot believe he's that stupid to not see his own conspicuous faults. And he's even passing in onto me? Haven't I suffered enough?

"What do you have to say for yourself, Ms. Steele?" He says in a smug manner.

If he keeps this up, I will get a divorce and give him the pleasure of calling me Ms. Steele once more. I am so close to running  
to him and give him a piece of my north paw.

"I thought so." He grins, as if claiming victory.

Oh how I want to unleash my rant of detestation toward him! My anger as big as his ego right now – yes, that big!

However, I am reminded by my conscience to not must not say things out of anger. I must think of Teddy and Phoebe who only one room away. Perhaps I should introduce this form of discernment to my husband...

"You better leave," I say with much coldness and anger.

He sighs, but puts a sarcastic smile on his face. "I'm used to you saying that, Ana."

"Good for you Christian. I don't tire reminding you." Take that you prick!

He chuckles. "Goodluck explaining to our kids, Anastasia. Lord knows, you're the only functioning parent around here," he says in a sardonic manner.

I gawk at him. His accusations are wounding. I really cannot begin to fathom how strongly I feel versus him right now.

"You enjoying wounding me, don't you Christian Grey?"

He walks back to me in his arrogant Fifty demeanour. Rather than pushing him away and losing my poise, I try to hold my ground and give him a glare.

We're now face to face, only a few inches apart. He whose body language is cold, but eyes that betray him, revealing his sadness. And I, who's trying to hold her very best against him.

"I don't want to get tired of fighting for you," he whispers.

What does he mean? Fighting for you or against you? Because his choice of words were very derogatory.

"In my heart, I still want it to be you."

His eyes soften, and I feel my anger ebb away.

"I feel scared that one day I might give up, that I may learn to live without you," he says truthfully, his eyes are still locked with mine.

A sudden pang of fear engulfs me. My heart rate is now shooting up, I feel dizzy and still. I do not want to know what he is talking about, but deep down I can comprehend, and boy is it a horrific thought. I don't know if I have ever felt like this before. Shit! Why am I scared?

"Are you not scared, Ana?" He asks. He puts a stray of hair on my face behind my ear.

I really am clueless, lost for words. I haven't even thought about moving on nor being back in his arms. I know it will come to that point, but it's so terrifying.

"No," I lie.

Both of his hands are now cupping my face. He closes his eyes and internalizes my rejection. We stand like this for a while, his forehead now pressed to mine.

"Please tell me how you have moved on from this, Anastasia."

I touch his hands that are on my face and caress it. When will I make him understand that this is for the best? I know I have to mature one in this case. "I am not afraid that you might learn to live without me," I speak softly.

He opens his eyes in shock and his jaw tenses, realizing what I just said.

"I should've known," he whispers back.

I feel numb as of the moment. This mix of fear, sadness, confusion, and even guilt is such a hard emotion to figure out.

He kisses my forehead and removes his hand from my face. Moving one step behind, he gives me a curt nod and turns to leave, silently.

I feel him in pain, and it crushes me. I want to run to him and pull him into my arms, but I know that I have to do what I must, and that is looking at the bigger picture and seeing the good that will come out of this.

I follow him out the door, making sure that the kids don't witness their father walking out upon my insistence.

Before he turns the knob, he looks behind and gives me a sad look.

"Do you still love me?" He asks.

I am once again left lost for words. This is a question I refuse to answer.

"I need to know, Ana. If I want to fight for you, I need to know if you still love me."

I cannot seem to answer the question. If I say yes, he might take advantage of that love again, letting me fall into a dark abyss of self destruction, and if I say no, I might lose him forever.

After a full minute of just standing, and being unable to give him an answer, he sighs, breaking our silence.

"I have plans of moving to New York, where Grey enterprises will be based. I thought you ought to know," he finally says.

He gives me a single nod and an apologetic smile before he finally turns away and walks out the door.

Just like that,** he leaves**...

I immediately feel dizzy, falling to the floor, **I weep**.

* * *

**The details as to why they parted ways will be tackled in later chapters :)**


	2. Two weeks

**CHAPTER** **TWO**_  
_

_Two weeks._

_It has been two weeks._

_Two weeks when my husband asked me if I loved him._

_Two weeks since he had left Seattle and moved to New York._

_Two weeks._

_No one had been shaken by this incident more than our own children. Christian spent that weekend with the kids, enjoying every moment. Ted and Phoebe even went as far as saying that it was definitely the best day of their life. Upon reaching home, their father gave the both of them a laptop to share, when asked why; he broke the news and their hearts._

_Now, they talk and videochat with him every day, and not a single day with dry eyes. Though I would stay away when they had their conversation, I could hear the sobbing and the wailing._

_Even Gail cried when he heard what Christian was going to do. He took his right hand man, Taylor with him to New York, giving him a two-day off on weekends to return to Seattle._

_Grace & Carrick are kind enough to invite us to brunch every Sunday. Though nobody knows the reason why we grew apart, every member of the family respected our silence and continued their outpouring of love to the kids._

_I smile at the thought._

"Anastasia? Anastasia?"

I am disrupted by my thoughts by no other than our expensive charlatan, Dr. Flynn. Oh right, I am at his office.

For over a year, I would frequently visit Dr. Flynn, however, it has been a regular occurrence every Friday since two weeks  
ago. I sigh. _Two weeks ago._

"Are you with me, Anastasia?" He asks.

"Yes, John."

"Shall we continue with our discussion?" He asks. He is seated across me in his chair, eyeing me keenly.

I nod. That's what I'm here for after all.

"The nightmares?"

I look down at my hands. The nightmares - It has kept me awake some nights during the past year and half. "Still the same, as usual."

"And up until he left..."

"John, please." I stop him mid sentence. I never fully told Christian about my nightmares. I told him it went away when we separated, but truth is, it didn't. I wouldn't want him to think that I am weak and obtuse for leaving him for nothing. We have our issues and I got tired.

"I understand. But the intervals.."

"Once a week a few months ago, now..." I close my eyes, relishing the pain of my nightmare. "Everyday. Everyday since..."

"Two weeks ago," he says.

I nod without opening my eyes. Reliving my nightmare...

I am standing outside a duplex home on a deserted street.

I see Christian standing outside the door, extending his hand to me, asking me to come inside.

As I take a few steps, he goes inside without me.

Then, it starts to rain, I run up inside the house.

Meeting me on the foyer was a small, lanky, copper haired boy. He takes me upstairs, as I open the door I scream.

I see the bodies of my two children badly beaten, bruised and bloody.

I rush to their side, forcing them to wake up. I ask the boy to help me, but he doesn't.

Instead, he takes a whip and cane in his hand, and starts beating me with both.

RED! RED! RED! I scream and scream but he doesn't seem to listen.

I look at him and see that he isn't a boy anymore.

The killer is him.

The killer is my husband.

There are days when I died in that dream, but there are times that I can force myself to wake up.

I open my eyes and shrug the thought.

"You think about it a lot," Dr. Flynn says.

"I do," I admit.

"Have you told Christian about the reason for these dreams?"

I shake my head. I don't need to. He knows what he did.

"You didn't tell him, but you assume that he knows." Exactly. He should know.

I nod again.

"Haven't you even considered the fact that, he might've not known?"

No. He isn't that obtuse! I shake my head once more.

Flynn gives me a knowing look, as if he has come to a conclusion for something.

"Has he contacted you?" I ask, knowing that I'm the only one he doesn't keep it touch with.

"Yes. He seems well. A bit on the angry side, but not like before."

Like before. I know it means 'before he met you'. He has indeed come a long way since then. A part of me was worried that he might fall again, reviving his old lifestyle, but gladly, he hasn't... yet.

"Good. Good. I'm glad." I really am. I do care for the man.

"He also told me a great deal about Theodore and Phoebe. He's very worried about them. He tries to keep in touch everyday so that they'd still feel his presence his in life..."

He said that? I look up to John.

"His words, not mine." John gives a slight grin. "He's so fond of them, Anastasia. I know it would be unprofessional of me to say this, but...he loves and cares for them a great deal."

I give John a smile. It's very true. Christian, though overprotective and overbearing, is an amazing father to Ted and Phoebe. He always has time for both of them, listens to them even if what they say are sometimes senseless, plays with them, laughs with them, gives them everything they ask for, kiss their skinned elbows and knees, chases them around and they both sleep in his bed whenever they sleep over. Christian is a good father, and that's something I could never take away from him.

"He is John."

* * *

That evening, I come home, finding both my children waiting for me in our living room.

"Mommy!" They both yell running to me and hugging me, making me almost fall over. I bend down, so we can see each other eye to eye.

"Hello, My angels." I give both of them a kiss on the forehead.

"Have you had dinner?" Teddy asks. No doubt this is an instruction from his father, since he has been asking the same question for over a week.

"I have, Mr, Grey. Have you?"

They both simultaneously nod at me.

"So, what are our plans for tonight?" I ask, knowing days like these used to be special for them. I'd like to keep it as  
tradition.

"Call Daddy!" They reply.

Of'course. As if they don't do it for an hour everyday. "After you call, Daddy?"

"Well... Phoebe and I were hoping..."

"No!" I respond, knowing full well what they mean.

"Please mama! Please!" My little girl hugs me, hard. "Please. Please. Please."

"Phoebe..."

"Mommy! Please!" Ted joins in and hugs me.

Who am I to resist my little bundles of joy?

"Okay!" I give in.

Shit. This is going to be a long night...


	3. To all my readers :)

Hey guys!

I sincerely apologize for my lack of updates in both my stories. I've been busy travelling and I am now in the process of making a new home in another country. Anyway, I will find time to continue writing my stories. I welcome suggestions as to how you would want both Fifty Shades of Family and Fixing Grey to go.You can pm me or leave reviews.

Thank you and have a great day everyone! :)


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